Not Too Old To Be Mum - Helen

This week’s "Not Too Old To Be Mum" is with Helen from Welsh Mum Writing.

First of all congratulations on your baby. How old were you when you had your baby/babies?

I became pregnant with my son at 40 and had him at 41. He’s our only child.

Tell me a bit about yourself and your main reasons for having a child(ren) after the age of 35?

I didn’t meet my husband until I was in my early thirties, and got married at 36.  Before then, I thought I wanted children but the time and relationship was never right. I’d decided I would probably pursue it on my own and then I met my husband. I think many women find themselves in that position – men too.

Did you have any problems with falling pregnant? If you did, would you say age was a contributing factor?

We did experience a few issues. We tried conceiving for about 6 months before we decided to go and get checked out with a fertility specialist. If I’d been younger, we probably wouldn’t have been in a rush, but I felt that if there were going to be any issues we were better off knowing sooner. My egg count was actually high for my age, but we couldn’t be certain of quality and it looked like I didn’t ovulate each month. I took Clomid for two cycles and fell pregnant, then miscarried at 5 weeks. Feeling overwhelmed we stopped trying. The following we decided to try IVF, very much thinking “we will try it, it won’t work, but at least we’ll know. We’ll take a year off, have a fab holiday and then look into adoption.” It worked- first time!

Did you have any complications with your pregnancy or labour that you feel were caused by being older?

I had a fantastic pregnancy and age wasn’t an issue at all. My son was breach but that was completely unrelated.

Were you treated differently by medical professionals because of your age? If you were, how did that make you feel?

Well you did get referred to as a geriatric mother and that’s pretty irritating. On the whole, I don’t think I got treated any differently because of my age.

If you had children before and after you were 35, were there any differences with the pregnancy, labour and you as a parent? Would you put these down to age differences?

N/A

What do you feel are the pros and cons for having a baby after 35?

As an older mum I was definitely in a stronger position in terms of my career, so it was easier for me financially and negotiating flexible working after my maternity. I’ve also done all my partying and more confident about myself and my body. I don’t care much what people think! The main con is that because I’m older, so are my family which also decreases in size the older I get. That means we have little to no support with childcare. Our son goes to private nursery when I am in work, but we rarely get any time away as a couple without him.

Do you plan on having any more children? If not, what are your main reasons? And if you would like more, what worries you the most about the prospect of having more?

I don’t think we will be having any more children. At 43 now, I’m not sure I could cope with another one at such a young age. If I didn’t have any other complications it might be different. I never say never though. We’ve always been open to the idea of adoption or fostering and perhaps that’s something we would consider some time down the line. There’s lots of ways to build a family. For now though, we are happy in our merry band of three. 

If you could do your time over, would you choose to have your children younger?

Much as I say it’s great to be an older mum, I think my choices about having a bigger family would be different if I’d started earlier. There’s not much point in wishing things were different. I’d generally just like to knock 10 years of my age!

What advice do you have for any women thinking of having a child past the age of 35?

In so many ways age is just a number and I wouldn’t be put off by anyone else. I would however just get a check-up to manage your expectations. Stop drinking alcohol, get plenty of rest, eat well and relax about it.

Thanks for taking part Helen and sharing your story. 

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