Supporting Your Child Through A Separation

Sometimes no matter how hard you work at a relationship, it ends in separation or divorce. Of course, the separation of their parents can be a very challenging and confusing time for a child. Although, the good news is that there are some strategies you can use to make the situation a lot easier for them. Read on to find out what they are. 

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Support your child in communicating how they feel 

Emotions will be running high for everyone when divorce is on the cards. Yet it is particularly important to encourage your child to talk about how they are feeling even if this means dealing with some difficult experiences such as sadness, anger, and resentment. Indeed, over the long term, being able to talk about how they feel and in the process have their feeling validated can help your child much better cope with the stress of their parents separating. 

Of course, it's vital that you provide them with the opportunity to speak without being judged, and without facing further consequences later. It's fine to discuss different issues that come up, but being defensive about your own mistake or blaming everything on your other half can detract from the cathartic benefits your child will receive from this tactic. 

Keep conflict away from your children

 

Few separations happen without conflict. Yet constantly fighting and criticising each other in front of your children can be upsetting, and send them confusing messages about how to deal with such a situation should it arise in their own life. 

 

With that in mind, it's best to have any discussions that have the potential to lead to conflict away from your child. This is something you can do by using email, or text even if you live in the same house for now. 

 

Alternatively, you may want to involve a professional well versed in mediation to help you deal with the details of your separation in a way that allows you enough emotional distance to prevent such conflicts. Such a strategy can also make the situation easier on you and ensure that everyone gets a fair deal too. 

Nix the guilt 

During a separation, many kids can feel guilt, both about being responsible for the situation and for wanting to spend time with the parent that is not in the home. However, such guilt can be very toxic to their state of mind, and their development in later life too. Especially, as it's only natural for a child to want to see and maintain a relationship with both parents. 

 

To that end, it's essential that when you explain your separation to your child, you also reinforce that it's not their fault. Additionally, when your child asks to see their other parents, or when it comes time for them to leave and stay with them for a few days make sure you send them off with a smile and don’t leave them feeling bad. Remember kids often want to please their parents, especially when they can see they are going through rough times. Yet in doing this they can end up missing out on a relationship with their other parent which is vital to their wellbeing.